8 Ways on how to be a responsible parent

Have ever thought of how a responsible or how you will be a responsible parent to your family or for your kids?. 

Have you ever seen some parents who seems not to care about the welfare of their family? Parents who don't mind,they are ever busy with work,drunkard,cheaters,haters name them. They seem to forget their responsibilities.

Becoming a parent is a life-altering experience that comes with immense joy, but also great responsibility. Parenting is a lifelong journey that  needs dedication, self-reflection, and continuous learning. To be a responsible parent means to prioritize your child's well-being and development, while fostering a nurturing environment that promotes their growth, happiness, and independence. .

Probably most of the parents they are trying and some are giving full responsibilities to their families. They struggle day and night,to make sure that their children or family members have all what it takes. 

When we were growing we used to see our parents made sure we could eat,sleep well,we go to school,dress well and we enjoyed all along seeing our parents to take of us. Sometimes I remember my parents if they made a mistake of buying a shoe,a cloth,a bag or anything new and forgets or assumes that others have,that house would be more fire, because we could ask why they didn't buy for all of us. This gave the parents pressure to buy for others. We could not understand what they were going through either financially, psychologically, mentally but we demanded everything from them.It's now that I have come to understand what my parents went through. 

The following are the ways a parent can be responsible in the family.

1. Be loving .

Each parent is supposed to have love paternal love or maternal love(storge love) towards children. This kind of love is natural because there's no force that applies. The parents ought to express their love despite the situations (in terms of behaviours of their child). Children may develop unwanted behaviour but parents would not disown them but instead they would give advise and correct them in a patently way without any partiality.

If you show love to your children they will always grow to know to love others. Some parents also they love too much their kids that even if they make a mistake,they don't even correct or punish them. They instead try to be lenient and thus children no longer respect them. 

The husband and wife also need to show affection love. They should try to cherish each by making sure that the love they had from the past should exist. I know when children starts to arrive or when they are born,the parents start to deviate their love towards them and forget to show the partner love.  They give full attention to children,for example a nursing mother sometimes finds no time to fulfill all the obligations to her husband because her mind and time is all about how to take care of the child. When it comes to this situation, I think the husband should try to understand and instead chip in to help her not to develop postpartum depression. I think if you help her then she will be a happy wife and there will be a happy family.

How does love affect the family?

• It helps members to  have the spirit of togetherness.
• It makes members to develop self esteem
• Love makes members to know how to treat others equally.
• Family love makes members to solve family conflicts easily without any partiality.
• Through love children develop secure attachment from their parents.
• Love makes family members to develop good communication skills.

2.Time manager

A good time manager controls everything that is well planned. A parent should always ensure that he/she should try to do things on time. If it is time to eat, try to prepare the meals earlier so that the kids can sleep early and wake up fresh in the morning. If you are taking kids to school , remember to keep time so that they will catch up with others in class. 

For teens make sure that you set clear rules on what time they should be at home. If you allow the teenagers not to observe the stipulated time you have set,am sure they will do unnecessary and develop unwanted behaviours that will lead to early pregnancies and drug abuse.

Parents who are good time keepers ,they are always productive and value things that matters alot.

3.Set clear rules and boundaries.

A responsible parent should set clear rules and boundaries that should be adhered to. The kids if they know that you have clear rules,am sure they will always be obedient,good time keepers, resilient and even hardworking. 

A family where parents don't set clear rules and boundaries,the family breaks. Children no longer respect the elders,their parents and even their siblings. If a child knows that if he/goes against the rules,will be punished or suffer consequences,thus creating good rapport.

Establishing clear and consistent boundaries is essential in raising a responsible child. Boundaries provide a framework for behavior and teach children about responsibility and accountability. Clearly communicate your expectations and consequences, ensuring they are fair and age-appropriate. By setting boundaries, you help your child develop self-discipline and make informed decisions.

4.Effective Communication

Good parenthood should always have clear, strong and effective communication to the members of the family. A parent that who usually communicates whenever there's a problem in the house,makes the problem to be less burdened. If a child has done any mistake,just sit together with him/her , communicate effectively in a polite way and if possible apply punishment and I am sure if you use the rightful communication the child will see his/her mistake and she will change.

You should not shout at the top of your voice,calling all mannerless or abusive words that make your children to despair in life. Whatever comes from your mouth should give great hope in life.

You should encourage open dialogue by actively listening to your child without judgment or interruption.  If you create opportunities for meaningful conversation,it makes  children to feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, concerns, and dreams. By fostering open communication, you build a strong foundation of trust and understanding.

Your words from your mouth should not be abusive,provoking, discouraging instead they should have a positive impact to your children. Try as much as possible to use words that are engaging and building strong relationship. The power of the tongue is powerful.

Effective communication creates strong parent-child relationship.

How to develop effective communication

• Be clear and concise. You should try to have clarity and short when  communicating. Set your  rules clear that are easily understood. You should not be complicated even your kids can't understand you.
• Guard your tone. Always remember to keep your tone low,and it should be friendly. Don't yell with voice that even scare your kids. A low tone that's welcoming make the kids to open up and even tell you what they are going through. But if you reprimand and rebuke them they will develop fear and even be discouraged.
• Be mindful about nonverbal communication. Your facial expressions, gestures,tone should not show arrogance. You should always smile, don't throws hands reckless or your tone shouldn't be too high.
• Practice listening skills. You must possess listening skills whenever you have the conversation with your family members. Give your kids time to talk and express themselves. Never should you shut them whenever they are trying to tell you something. Maybe they would be having a problem or a secret they want to tell you . When they call you don't be futile ,but  sit down with them and give them a listening hear until they finish their statements and then you react on them one by one.

5.A role model

A good parent should show good morals and lead by example. In whatever you do,you say or speak should be positive. There are parents who take alcohol, smoke ,abuse using obscene language and they expect their children to grow well mannered. They don't care about how that affects them physically, mentally, socially or psychologically. 

A good parenthood should not discourage but give life and educate the family members. They should instill good behaviours and morals to kids. You should show them how to be appreciative,forgiving, loving,caring and even hardworking. They should learn all these characteristics from you through your deeds.

6.Flexible and ready to change. 

Parents are supposed to be flexible and ready to change. Even if you have set clear and strict rules, sometimes they make children to be more rude. Look for example where the child is almost beaten or punished everyday because he/she repeats the same mistakes. The discipline because a normal routine and the child is used to it. He sees or knows that even I change or don't change the trend is the same. 

When it reaches a situation where the kids doesn't change the behavior,just try to adjust your way of discipline. Create or loosen your way of punishing,you can either try to look for counsellors or try to talk to them nicely and am sure they will definitely change.

7.Good leadership. 

You should possess or be a leader in your home. Leadership doesn't only apply in workplace,but also everywhere. In your house  you should offer help to your kids in terms of showing them how to do certain things in the house. Help children to know how to cook, to wash clothes, gardening and others. If you do this they will grow to know and become responsible.

Secondly, you should be supportive and encouraging. A responsible parent should show support in whatever members of the family do. Keep on encouraging them and giving morale to them. You should not discourage your kid if he/she doesn't achieve certain goals in life. Talk to them and tell them they can,and they can do all things through Christ who strengthens them.

Thirdly, always give praises to your kids. If a children has done well in class,she has known to do certain activities like preparing meals, wearing clothes,even when they make steps when trying to walk,crawling just praise them. If you keep on appreciating them ,they will know that they are doing right things and they will keep pressing on.

Fourthly, you should show emphaty and give credits where it deserves.  Don't ever show sympathy to your children instead you should be in their shoes and encourage them. Because if you show sympathy they will no longer be able to defend or overcome challenges. Give credits in terms of buying them presents,and this will make them work harder.

Fifth, you should have good communication skills. A responsible parent should communicate effectively and in away that doesn't show condemination,hunger,brutality or any sign of hatred. Talk nicely to your kids ,use appropriate time, don't shout at them. On the other hand, you should not be that lenient to your children. Be a good commander.

8.Problem solver. 

Problems are part and parcel of life. You can't escape any problem unless you are a rock. Even rocks they do crack sometimes or they are being destroyed by human activities. When it comes to problem we should always be ready to make good decisions that should eliminate that trouble in our family.  We should not be quick to react to the problem ,but we should apply wisdom and knowledge when solving problems. A good parent should always be ready to face the problems and should have good problematic skills. 

What to consider before solving the problem.

Identify the problem.

You should always try to identify what type of problem you need to solve. If the children have done a mistake, you should first listen to both sides of the coin ,and never should you rely on one side. 

Configure what caused the problem?

How and when did it happen?

What could be the root cause?

If you apply to these questions then you should get a clear solution.

Identify the root cause

If you had identified the problem, definitely you should know the root cause. Look keenly what made the kids to face the problem.

How did it happen ,at what time?

The cause would be ,if they are having malaria in the house ,you should ensure that they sleep inside the mosquito net and spray your house and compound. Probably you have known the root cause. 

If it's in school they aren't performing well, try to get into the bottom of it,either asking first the kids,then call the teacher ,if they don't change ,try to make a visit to school and talk to the teacher plus the child and the teacher will clarify to you.

Find the possible solution

Although you have a solution, you should choose a better solution from the multiple solutions. Sometimes you may apply many solutions if the problem persist. Even when a teacher is teaching a new concept and finds that learners are not understanding it easily, he/she has to apply different teaching approach for them to understand. 

As a responsible parent you should try to use various approach in order to give room to solve the problem. 

Plan and implement your solution. 

You should always try to take your time and have a long lasting solution. Make sure you apply your knowledge carefully and make sure you adhere to it. Don't use a solution that will not become a bill in your house.

You can implement the solution of the problem through the following:

*Guidance and counselling

*Mediation. Use of religious leaders or elders in the community to solve the problem.

*Force. That should involve peace keeping mission in the house. A parent should not apply too much force that would lead to disagreement.

Measure the results

Remember to make up follow-up activities ,whether the solutions you applied they gave the good results. Keep on monitoring if it's the behavior of a child whether he/she has changed drastically or partially,then from that you should know what to change. 

If you keep on checking or weighing the solutions , definitely you will know how your responsibility has worked.

The solution should be the one that provides a long-term permanent solution to the problem.

Conclusion

Be a responsible parent that has good communication skills,time manager,a parent that knows how to solve problems,a parent that loves his/her children equally and provides all basic needs. 

Being responsible yields good parent-children relationship, children-children relationship and the family will grow together as one

6 Factors promoting good relationship in the family

 

Most of the  families are living far and even meeting each other is a problem.  Due to modernity and economic problems, everyone is on his /her toes , moving up and down to see what the family will eat. 

Most of the families nowdays are not in good relationship to each other. They are not staying together as our great great grandparents did. The strong bondage that existed has become extinct and family gatherings are no longer conducted. It has become the world of various countries in it,that each country is struggling to regain her economy. This applies tho our homes today ,that everyone is in his/her toes or struggling to gain independence from the colonists.

Most of the family members are ever busy and due to poor economy, it has made them not to bother other families. People have migrated or rather have thrown away the responsibility of taking care 9f their fellow family members. They no longer communicate ,visit, perform ceremonies thus leading to breakage of family relation. 

You can refer to 8 Factors affecting family relation.

The following are the factors that can create,promote bondage or good family relation

1.Communication

Whenever, when there's good communication in every situation , that's the problem solver in any condition. Think of a situation where  there's no communication on the people who are living in the same house,in the same bedroom,the same bed or same apartment. What would be the consequences?. I think it would be a horrible place that one would not wish to stay or to live in.

Whenever people aren't living together,they should develop the heart of calling or communicating each other. Members of the family who aren't staying together,living much far,or others who are working or studying abroad,they should at least spare time to say hi to their fellow family members. 

Take a case whereby the father or the mother isn't staying together with the children almost 2 years,what would the children think of their parents? The children will eventually loose the direct child -parent love , because they no longer communicate or trust him /her as their parent.

A responsible parent should always try to communicate to the family no matter how you are committed. Try even to video call,zoom,Skype so that children can know you by face and they will feel comfortable when talking .

In extended family ,the members will also try to call each other to know the well being of others,how they wake in the morning,how their day ended,their health and other social factors affecting them. Most of the family members have neglected others because they prefer to be concerned about their intermediate members. If for example you call a sick person and you give him just hope that she/he will get well soon ,only those words can create good relationship and the person can always be appreciative.

Don't wait until something bad happens, that's when you remember that you had a relative. Just call in good and bad times to create strong bondage.

What type of communication to use?

You can use the calls through the phones,video calls on WhatsApp, Facebook, Skype,zoom and other gadgets.

How and when will you communicate?

You should always try to calendar yourself and communicate with your members,even if after one day,two days or every week if you are working or living abroad.

2 .Visitation.

Visitation is very important among family members. Most of the family members due to poor economy, family conflicts, despising each other,and other factors,it has cut short the visitation that our forefathers had. 

You find some of the family members ,they don't know each other since childhood. They can even pass by without noticing or recognizing one another. Most of the family members have divide and rule plus the cold war among themselves. They don't even allow their children to play with other children from the other family. Because the parents had a disagreement or a fight, they recommend their children not to go near or in any case they don't school together,because they believe in witchcraft.

The visitation which was long ago ,it has elapsed. I remember when I was young we could visit our cousins during the long holidays. We could enjoy playing together, eating together, sleeping ,going to church together and we could even tell others how best our village or school is. But nowdays, it's along story. 

Most of the paying a visit has become "hot Air".Where things are no longer working and become precipitated. Some families had the schedule of visiting each other monthly.

When it comes to visiting, the family members can know each other and can develop strong relationship. 

The following are importance of visitation.

• It provides an opportunity to stay in touch with other family members
• It help members to express their emotions.
• It helps people to discover the failures and weakness of others and try to advise them.
• It fosters family -family good relationships.
• It provides an opportunity to refresh and enjoy together as family members.

How often do you visit each other?

It may be monthly,annually or the family members can decide.

Can visitation bring any change among the family members?

Yes, because through visitation members can know each other and they can develop a strong family relationship.

3. Gathering in ceremony

When members of the family meet together, celebrate and hang out ,it really creates good family relationship. Most of the families gather together in a manner that they intend to know each other. When I was young ,I saw in our family we used to gather together either in December and we will slaughter a goat and we would share and enjoy together. All the family members from my mother's side would come even if they lived in urban areas. They would make sure that they attend the ceremony and nobody compromised.

Nowdays there are no more gatherings,because of the modernity. Some people are ever busy either in terms of jobs, schooling,staying far away from other family members (abroad) which makes the family members not to meet.

Some family members have opted not to gather or visit each during the long holidays like December to visit even their grandparents, cousins,aunties and uncles. I think if we live like in the old days the family gatherings will be more valuable to the family members.

Despite of the economy ,the education,living in towns or abroad or any conflicts among the family members, gatherings shouldn't be exceptional. Family members will sit down together and they will discuss various issues that would and develop the firm relationship

4 . Having chamas,self help group

Members in the family are supposed to have self-help groups, "chamas" that would enhance the family relationship. For example if they do merry go round and this can be done through online, physical and members can organise to visit each other in their homes.

The self help groups have always maintained the good family relationship. The members contribute the money and they decide on what to do with the money and this can make a person von toes to confirm from others ,thus good relation.

5 .Team work

Members who have good team for example when bereavement comes or in other functions maybe in times of sicknesses and sorrow it creates good family relationship.

Participating in providing moral support during sorrow, makes somebody to feel comforted. Or if one of the family member has a ceremony like a wedding, paying of dowry,lacks school fees or any other problem,members are supposed to chip in and stretch their helping hand.

6. Appreciation

Members in the family should try to appreciate each other . Whenever a person does good either in helping , academics,talents and any other good performance. If we appreciate each other moreso kids it will make them to be active and try to work hard thus promoting positive impacts in life.

Through all these we find the importance of good family relationship.

• It helps the family to resolve family conflicts easily.
• It helps people to express their feelings,emotions easily.
• It creates team work,good communication and appreciation.
• It makes persons to develop positive attitudes towards each other.

In conclusion , for good relationship can be of great importance if only members can have good team work , communication, gatherings and ceremonies that would bring people together.

If you find this article to be of great importance, please don't forget to comment,share or you can add more points on how to promote family relationship.

8 Factors affecting good relations in the family.

Most of the families have lost the direction and diverted into a lot of issues that have created a bigger gap in the family. 

Most of the family members have sorted to various activities in terms of providing for the family. They don't even seem to care about the fellow members in the house. They have switched their roles to other people instead of themselves doing their responsibility. 

In our modern society , it has become like struggle for the fittest in the house. Meaning that , each and every should mind his or her own business not of others. Many parents have been taken by various factors even they don't even know that they have children to look after. They have numerous reasons not to be at home at the right time and have handed the responsibility to nannies.

The following are various factors that that hindered bondage in the family.

1. Communication

Nowdays there are no one on one communication. Before then our great grandparents had a good way of talking to each other. Let's say a problem has risen among the couples, instead of sitting together and talk about the problem and it's solution,they cut off communication. You find others they don't even talk to each other when a problem comes. Some even don't eat because he/ she wronged you. Instead of sleeping in the same bed room you sort to sleep on the couch or in a different bedroom, to avoid seeing beach other. 

A good family is the that sits together and talk friendly to one another. Causing tantrums and commotion in the house doesn't make you a hero, it makes you to create more problems in the house.  If it's the child who has done wrong, discipline him/her politely ,try to explain why or how it's bad to do that mistake and it's consequences. Definitely a child will understand and change his behaviors. 

Don't be rush to rebuke the kid,just try to to talk friendly to him/her and I think this one will solve everything. Children needs someone who counsels them and who embraces or instills good attitude to them .

On the side of the parents, fighting or quarrelling the whole night, refusing to eat or not providing for the family isn't a solution just sit down and talk. Or you can have a day out or night out ,you go there and discuss the issue and solve the problem. I think  communication is all the master solver for all problems.

2. The screen

When it comes to screen,there are alot of things to talk about. Due to modernity many family members have sorted to engage themselves on the screens. 

Mobile phones. This includes iPad ,tablets and other gadgets. Imagine walking in in a family and you find the mother is on the phone, the father is on the laptop and children are watching cartoons and nobody seems to care each other. You will even find yourself talking to yourself.  You try to engage them in a talk ,but none seems to bother. 

The children will be  hungry because the mum will be watching tiktok, Instagrams, Facebook Whatsapp chatting with somebody until she forgets to prepare meals for the family. The child will be having a good message to pass to the parent , but because the mother is preparing some live videos on Facebook, tiktok linked , Whatsapp status she doesn't care about the children. You would find the child has soiled her clothes and she even starts to smear it on the floor and the mother even has not noticed of not aware what's happening in the house.

The kids had been given homework and they are supposed to seek help from the parents .When the children approaches the father, he sends them back  not showing any fatherly love to the kid. Because he is busy chatting and looking on status on how young ladies are shaking their boobs and buttocks,and talking to side chics,his mind is altered and doesn't reason beyond that.

The teens have also been mislead by the social media.  They no longer do or help their parents in the house. They are always on the internet downloading love songs, chatting with their boy friends and girlfriends, making videos on tiktok, Instagrams, Whatsapp status others if not carefully monitored would be watching pornographic.  If a parent needed something and tries to call one of the teens , he would be deceiving herself , because there will be no response from them. 

The children when it comes to watching cartoons, it's like their meal. Even you you try to tell them to eat first ,they will not until you switch off the TV and you be on their neck so that they can take their meals. You find them in school talking of a certain program and other children are busy commenting, so this gives them the psyche to watch on the programs on the TV. They even forget to do their homework, helping their parents and they seems not to care at all.

Unless we cut of spending much time on screen, then our families are doomed and we can't have good -children relationship in our homes.

 3. Time

Most of the parents don't have time for their families. You find a parent goes for work from 4am and returns home at 10pm when everyone in the house is a sleep. She or he doesn't know how the children slept, what they ate,how they did their assignment and about their health. The children see him/ her only on weekends probably when they go to church or when the parent is having the offs.

All the responsibility have be delighted to the nannies. Most of this nannies they don't have the knowledge on parenting and they can teach the children,all kinds of behaviours that are vice in the society. Imagine a mother who is breastfeeding comes home at 10pm and finds the kid is a sleep and the kid doesn't have enough time to breastfeed.

4.Work

Work has killed the togetherness in the family. Most of the parents have put more energy and time on work forgetting their counterparts children. They spend whole day working and he/she doesn't have space to communicate to their children. I don't discourage parents not to search for jobs or to have self employment,but they should try to have a parenthood in them. Sometimes work should not be our first priority in life. Let the family come first and the rest follows. 

Imagine a parent or the family members who are always on toes going  for work from morning to evening, coming home is late even you don't know your neighbours. They maybe knowing you, and when you meet on the street you don't greet them, they will even say that you no longer recognize people and in the really sense you don't know them.

Just try to have family meeting with your family when you have a day off ,to discover what is happening to your kids or other family members

Some people are assuming that, everyone understands that am busy and I don't have time for family gatherings. Forgetting that,people do commit their own time and space ,so that they can create good rapport in the family.

5. Separation

Most of the parents nowdays they prefer separation, which makes members of the family not to be together. You may find the father may decide to take his boy child and the wife takes the girls. Through this, the children may not have that bondness in the as a brother and sister.

Sometimes,a husband and wife can separate and the wife takes the children and children would not have that fatherly love. Maybe there would be a  problem in the family, but  we should sometimes try to figure out about the children. Children can loose trust to those parents , because they no longer recognize them as their guardians. 

The children in both sides develop weird behavior, because they are being brought in different environment this triggering good character. They maybe talking through the phone, but it doesn't mean that they will have that stronger love among the family members. Children will not even know their cousins, aunties and uncles plus their grandparents.

6. Divorce

Most of the family members have preferred to have divorce and they no longer want to live together. Through this ,the family relationship has became like a foregone folktale. 

The good relationship that existed between the two families, has become no longer in existence. You find the wife and husband, each one wants to go with the kids and the court has to intervene and decide where the children will stay until they reach at a certain age.

7.Rural-urban migration.

Most of the families have gone or migrated to town in search of green pastures.  Others are living in towns because they have been posted there to work thus limiting them to have good relationship with other family members. 

Preferably,others have decided to move to other places to avoid conflicts,others believe in witchcraft that if they stay at home, the people in the village will not feel good for them because they are wealth. Others have been chased or excommunicated from the community because they did some vices that aren't accepted by the community.

Through this, it has led to breakage of family bondage. Even if the problem arises at rural home ,they aren't ready to help or be together with other family members. Even when the funeral arises, the persons in charge are those near the family, but those living in urban ,they seem not to care.

8.Going abroad

Most of the family haven't have good relationship with their members, because of long distance relationship. You find the father or the mother has been blessed and has gone to a broad in terms of further studies, scholarship, Green cards,or jobs. A person takes almost 2 years or one year before he/she comes back to his country, thus limiting strong relationship. A child may grew or be born without seeing his father,because the father had gone a broad.

It makes children to be raised by one parent which kills the morale of bondage and trustfulness among the members.

In family relationship it's good to ensure that you video call , you can call or try to visit every mother or after two week even you are living in urban areas. Those in a broad try as much as possible not to exceed two years or if possible you can visit yearly.

I request you to share my article, comment it add   other factors affecting family relation. 

Family conflicts/ rivalry in our homes

A family is made up of a father, mother , brother, sister and a baby . That's how my son defines a family and when I try to tell him that his uncle from both sides plus his cousins are a family, he dismisses and says  they don't belong to our family. 

He is four years-old  may be when he will learn about types of family that's when he will understand it. 

A family is a group of people of father mother and children or near or distance relatives who are related either by birth, blood or they  have a common ancestry. 

Most families tend to stay together,and even they do things as a family. They can have family gatherings,and some special ceremonies that they visit each other they drink and eat together. Through this it creates strong family ties.

I have seen most of families helping each other in terms of finance,food , clothes and other basic needs. Or when or if it just happen that one of their member dies , they will gather and plan a good send off to the deceased. Each family has a certain  sum of money to contribute and this creates a good bondage a month the members.

Through this activities the family ties extends and even they start the chamas or merry go round to contribute monthly.

Most of the members have developed financially and other haven't. But even if all this togetherness, visitation, stretching an helping hand to certain people and the officials try to maintain peace and cohesion. Even in the market you can't or you will not miss mad man or woman that who tries to bring chaos and disrupt people.

Even in most families you can miss a weed that wants to grow in a rock even where there's no essential or even if the conditions of germination are present, there seems to be factors that affect germination. So in every family even if  both of them are staunch Christians there will be a pagan who will go against the Christian's teaching. Likewise to family members. There are some members who are ever opposing on whatever decision which is being made in the family. 

They stand to be against, when others are going to East,them they are moving to West. So when making decisions it became a difficult this creating enermity. You can make proposals and you agree, but two or four people they go s head and they will hold their side meeting and they start criticism and eventually conflicts arise or emerge.

The family members envy each other and even they don't greet each other and some start believing or practicing sorcerer and they end up killing each other.

So in every family which is like a society or a community , it has a lot of conflicts. The following are types of family conflicts. These conflicts can be  a result from land , marriage,will,money,children ,cattles, poultry or even gossip or jealous.

Siblings- siblings conflicts

Have you ever seen the siblings who grew up in the same homestead and they slept , ate,played together and eventually they became enemies. This rivalry became through over a small or a slight mistake. It could be due to property distribution,kids who fight unnecessary over food because they don't want to share, or you find that no one wants his/her items to be touched by somebody else.

This unnecessarily fights comes and even if a parent tries to intervene, they will leave for sometime and they will start again.

Also the older siblings will quarrel over property sharing. For example if the parents had alot of wealth and if it happens that the father has passed on before had divided the properties to his children, definitely it will result into disagreement.

Parent-parent conflict

Have you ever thought that their would be a conflict among parents? Yes it's true,because they would be fighting over things like:

 They would be disagreement on who provides to the family. Most families tend to know that it's only the husband that provides for the family. So even if the wife is working she doesn't provide and she forgets that if the husband God forbid he dies she will take the full responsibility of the family.

Another point,where you find the husband or the wife is a drunkard and seems not to care about his/ her family. Imagine somebody who goes to drink and comes home at midnight not knowing what the kids ate, did the children do the homework? Did they take bath or did they encounter any challenges at school or at home. So through this weird behavior leads to fight among them.

 Parent-children conflicts

There are some cases where the parents have disagreement with their children. The children will be lacking respect to their parents or parents not providing for their kids.

Some parents tends to forget their responsibilities as the parents in the house. For example they tend not to care about  what their children are going through. They don't bother to be near their family members and they act awkwardly when they are wrong.

I have seen where a father doesn't pay school fees, buy basic needs like clothes,food and good shelter ,

Parents who have partiality when it comes  to owning properties. You find a parent has  a tendency of loving some children more than other,even he / she makes the children hate one another. The children start to scold each other that you are not loved because you don't Excell in class.

Some parents site with children to go against one of their parents, especially the mothers.  You find the boys love their mothers and if it happens that their father is drunkard ,they will not respect him. They will not have that children dad love instead they will not even give food to him ,because they think that he isn't a good father.

Children also they can despise their children because they are poor. Most of the teens at their early age ,they don't want to introduce their parents to their friends because they feel that they will be looked down by their colleagues. So you find that parents become disturbed . If it was parents needed in school, these kids can even do it intentionally not to show their schoolmates, because they don't drive like other parents. They keep on abusing them why can't they be like other parents who own vehicles and other luxurious things. Through all these, it creates enemity between the parent and children.

Cousin -cousin conflicts

This conflicts comes due to inherited enemity between parents. You may find that, cousins from the father's side have the grudge may on issues of land or any other properties. They don't even say hi to each other and they don't borrow anything from one another.

A parent can prevent his/her children from even playing together, schooling in the same school,or even they don't visit each other not forgetting eating at their cousin's home. This rivalry has even caused some of the kids not to have that extended fraternity in them. They don't even respect their aunties and uncles or even their fellow age mate cousins.

Most of the cousins can fight due to ancestral land that their grandfather's had. They feel that one family was favoured that the other one. They even end up in court so they they can get justice. Some have sorted to even put parameter walls that they don't want to see each other.

There are other conflicts in the family like physical,sexual, psychological,verbal and mentally. 

If you have any other conflicts you can add it in the comment section.

7 Ways to normally engage your children in various situations.

Do you have children or are you intending to have them in future. How are you planning or engaging them in various activities at home or outside your home. 

Do you allow them to active or passive in the house. I know most of the parents have nannies, houshelps or shamba boys and you don't allow your children to do house chores or even try to learn some skills that would help them in future.

Most of the parents , they don't even allow the kids to be associated with some activities. They say that they have hired the nanny,house helps  and their is no need of kids doing the chores. They instead allow the children to watch cartoons, movies and even they tell them read, forgetting that no work makes jack fully boy.

You may force your kids to read and forgetting that they are not associated with white collar jobs. They maybe having  a passion in doing odd jobs. Allowing kids to practice unskilled skills will help them to to develop mentally and physically.

The following are activities that you will engage your children at various situations.

 1.Doing house chores

House chores are sometimes good for our kids. You can allow your children to do the following

  .Washing utensils. Children can be involved by washing utensils. You should make rules that if he /she has finished eating or taking any food ,they are supposed to take the utensils back to the sink and each and every one should wash it. Sometimes you may find the sink is too high for them to reach but you shouldn't worry. Do this, look for basins let them put water and they start cleaning the utensils. Make sure they place the duster or moppers ready because they can pour water all over. Instruct them to clean the floor after they have finished. Doing this they will become responsible and they can easily develop positive impressions on cleanliness.

  2.  Cleaning the compound. You can make your children to clean the compound by doing the following: collecting litter, sweeping,uprooting the weeds.

 3.Feeding the poultry. If you have poultry in your farm you can engage children in feeding them. They can give the feeds and give them water or they can also clean the chicken house or collecting the eggs.

 4.Reading. You can keep busy your kids by involving them by reading story books and they tell each what they have learnt. This would lead to good memorialization and easily remember. They can also be reading the Bible verses to each other. You give out the verses to read and you assign each and everyone what to read.

5.Competition. Children can be competing each, through memory verses, reciting poems,reading the Bible verses,singing, dancing,counting,skirting , running along the compound, playing with blocks by building houses with different levels,colouring 

and other activities. I am sure if you make them busy, they will enjoy and develop mentally, socially, physically and even spiritually.

6.Adventure. You can take your children to new places like museums,animal Park,archives, archaeological sites,for example in Africa you can take them to Fort Jesus,kariandusi Koobi Fora,and others. They can learn alot by seeing than reading from books. If they see wild animals like lion ,elephant, giraffe, cheetah, hyenas and other animals,they will have a know how knowledge than reading from books. They can ride on a horse ,swim, twisting tunnels, the slides, climbing nets, bowling, darts, golfing . Children like to discover new things and activities in their life and this will make them to be more active in life.

7.Going for tutions and tutorials. If children are at home for an holiday,just look for tutions sessions that can keep them busy. You may take them to practice on how to sing,play pianos, guitars, computer lessons and some creative arts. Most of the kids enjoy making or discovering new ideas in life. 

Don't leave your children to be idle,just engage them in activities that can enable them to develop mentally, socially, physically and even spiritually. 

Please if you have any other tips on how to engage the children , you are free to list them in the comment section and don't forget to share .

The 17th May month of "Stella Wangu"

Have you ever met somebody in your life and you become lovers. Then your fiance or fiancee good lucky gets a study visa and goes a broad to study. You commit all you have for him/her to go including selling your old car, a plot plus the cattle not forgetting fundraising for that person. 

The person promises to marry you after completing the studies. The person doesn't cut off communication and you think that you are together only to be shocked on arrival that she/he is married to another person. What would you do?

The month of Stella, is a Kenyan song that's is remembered by all Kenyans on 17th May each year. It talks all about a certain lady who went to further her studies at Japan for three years. 

Mwamburi met Stella in 1991 when I went to perform at Garden Hotel in Machakos after my band, Everest Kings, shifted base from Thika. That's according to Mwamburi the boyfriend to her.

At the time Stella was studying at the University of Nairobi, but she left for Japan in 1992 for further studies. She later informed me she wanted to settle down and I gave her my blessings.

The lady had her fiance who sold everything including,the shamba,cattles and other properties for her to get the ticket to go to Japan. 

The lady went to train as a nurse and they had a greed that when she will come back ,they will marry and have their own family. So the husband (fiance) to the lady made all the requirements and the lady was successful. He even escorted her with the relatives hoping that she will come back and help the society. 

After three years of completion , the lady came back and her fiance went to the airport to welcome her. He went with his family members including the uncle. So as they were excited to waiting for their one and the only one 'doctor' as they are being referred by most of the people they don't differentiate between the nurse and the doctors. 

In Kenya nurses are being recognized to be female and that's how local people understand. A male nurse is being referred as 'DAKTARI' referring as doctor. So if you are a lady and even if you are a doctor or a specialist the call you'SISTER' referring to a nurse.

So if you are a doctor and you happen to work in most of the hospitals in the villages and when you hear' Sister's don't get surprised because that's what they know. Literally sister means a physician, a doctor but referring to a female doctor.

Back to the story,the lady was supposed to come back from Japan on 17th May 1992 .The lady arrived safely and the husband freshly looking was eagerly waiting pick the lover of his life. . As people were coming from the plane , the husband was shocked to see Stella carrying a baby, and behind her the was a short 4 feet inch A Japanese.

The guy had to cry with all the langauges he had including from his mother's side and the father's side because he wouldn't believe what he saw. He was expecting Stella to come back and they start a family and now she had been married to a Japanese. It was a shock also the family members who went to welcome her back.

The guy stills had to beg Stella to come back . In his song he sings"Come back,come back Stella, I still need you baby x2

Mwamburi, crestfallen and heartbroken, would then hit the studio and recorded the ‘Stella wangu’ smash hit song that has been passed down from generation to generation for three decades.

May 17, 2022 marked 30 years since that heartbreak, and as Mwamburi continues to heal from that heartbreak.

The guy later got married and he has a beautiful wife and children . The singer affirmed that he had long forgiven Stella for the heartache she caused him and is happily married to the love of his life.

Spending time with your kids.

How do you normally spend your time with kids whether during the holidays, weekends,weekdays,after and before school?. I know most of you get trouble and tantrums from kids especially when they are young and you wish you find yourself a place to go and have some rest.

But there's no option to that  because you're the parent,the guardian that can take care of them. Even if you quarrel, you beat them you close yourself in a room to avoid all kinds of noise from them ,at the end you are the one to who end up dressing them, bathing them cooking for them. So you have to organize yourself and give yourself hope that one day you will be settled.

The following are the ways on how to spend time with them to avoid alot of dramas in the house.

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Playing

Kids like playing moreso when they are at home. You can organize for them various playing activities like,racing around the compound,playing football,rope skipping,singing,dancing, reading books competition, memorizing Bible verses, reciting poems, playing darts, Chess, skirting and many other activities.

If you engage them with these activities, am sure you will enjoy your stay at home instead of your house becoming  a boredom. I know there are kids who are chaotic even if you try to involve them in various activities,they tend to be distractive,ever destroying thing in the house. They create shambles and heck in the room.

Their way of disciplining them is to involve them in more activities, setting strict rules and giving rewards and praising them and this can help out.

Setting rules

You should set thorough rules in the house that should be adhered to by everyone child in the house. If there are teens in the house try to tell them the time they should be in the house. If it's before 5:30pm they should be at home and whoever who goes beyond that , he/she knows that what to get in terms of discipline. So if they know the rules and you adhere to them ,they will be eventually be keen and they will be in their toes not to go against them.

If it's young kids, set some boundaries that there's no fighting in the house,no scolding others,no use of a busive or offensive langauge. If one tries to do that, the discipline will follow.

Giving rewards

Whenever a kid or your child does good reward him/her,because if you praise next round the notorious one will also change their bad behaviours.

I know most of you will be against this method because it will be wastage of resources. You can buy your kids presents like good story books, writing materials, playing items that can attract other children to be good. 

Be flexible

Try to be like kids. Most of the kids like parents who like to be like them. Sometimes they can start a joke and they want you to join. Or they want to play with them or help them to do their homework. Don't ever shout at them ,scold them instead join them a little bit this would give them the morale of doing whatever they were doing .In this being flexible,you can do the following :

Having daily routine activities 

The  children know each or they see the activities their parents do each day. If you give them a chance to practice, they can do marvellous and excellent. The following activities can be done by then:

1.Cooking together. You can show your kids if they are at certain age on how to make meals like cutting vegetables,making tea or coffee, rolling the chapatis,cooking ugali and many other meals

2.  Washing clothes. Children love playing with water. Whenever when you are washing clothes, make sure you assign your kids some work like,washing their handkerchiefs,their underwear these can make them busy and they can't disturb you anymore and you will have a smooth day.

3. Mopping or cleaning the house. I know most of parents moreso mother's they don't want their kids to touch water or pass near where she is mopping, because this can make them to fall down and break their backbones. But try to engage them whereby you can squeeze the mopper and make sure it doesn't have much water that can make to fall down. If you do this am sure you will make your kids to be responsible.

4.Gardening. If you can involve them in gardening the flowers, vegetables, even watering them it can reduce stress in the house. Assign each child to plant fruits and make sure they take care of them until they bear fruits.

5.Arranging the rooms or clothes. Sometimes try to make their room untidy and assign them to make it tidy. Let each child arrange his/her clothes or spread her bed but under supervision. I mean under supervision, you direct them in a polite way and if they make a mistake and you rectify them, they will essence of your corrections and they will follow sooth.

Be attentive

Just bear attention to your kids. Most of parents nowdays are being married by phones. You find a kid has something to tell you or she wants you to show her for example homework. Instead of listening to your kid, you turn away the kid without helping him/her. 

Make sure your phone should not distract you from taking care of your kids. The soap opera, Afrosinema,and zeeword should not be your first priority in the house, but instead be attentive to your kids. 

Most of the parents have sorted to seek how to bring up their kids through the internet, whereby they have sorted to fast food,leaving kids to spend more time on TV's not even bothering to see what their kids are watching. You find a mother or a dad telling her kid to go and watch TV because she doesn't want disturbance they end up spoiling kids who become addictive to tv.

Make  sure whatever they are watching it's educative and doesn't go against child right.

Children sometimes they are troublesome in the house but if you involve them and try  helping them to discover their various talents instead of sitting and watching in educative movies. 

Being in the house make sure you ensure that your kids don't get tire but they should be vigorous and curious to develop positive skills in life that can help them to apply in their whole life.

I request to live a comment and share and you are allowed to add more tips on how to spend time with your kids.